textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
