The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
