I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
