he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
