he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
3 2 1 whiskey
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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