i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
