girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
