I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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