I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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