We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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