how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
