he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
