Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She even gives head with a lisp.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
