Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
