I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
