i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
