It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
