and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
