I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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