so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
