My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
