Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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