your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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