I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
