Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
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are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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