So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
