But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
