i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
