Where did you get a picture of my penis
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
