I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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