are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
