It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize