Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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