How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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