If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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