I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
