Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
4 words: hood of his car
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
