Buhtt sex?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
