just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
