margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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