We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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