she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
