woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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