I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
