i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
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