Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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