He is such a slut. More and more my type.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
