yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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