she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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