Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
