I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the condom got lost in my hair
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
