I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
