Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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