i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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