I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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