thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
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