god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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