I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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