dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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