he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
