I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
