I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
