I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
