Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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