I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
