I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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