The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
