Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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