Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
